The Date with the Horizontally Blessed

I was kind enough to take Sarah upon a date yesterday for her birthday (contrary to what many Porter family members think, her birthday isn't actually until tomorrow, July 17th). I graciously allowed Sarah to select the restaurant for the evening. She selected a nice little place I like to call "Sweet Tomatoes." This was my first time eating at said restaurant and I was a bit nervous as was to be expected on my first time. Lucky for me, they had a sign that said, "Lettuce know if it's your first time." (It actually said "Let us" but based on what they serve there, I took the liberty of adding life to the phrase). This took away much of my anxiety and allowed me to enjoy the experience and just let myself go a little more after having it explained to me. Sweet Tomatoes, in layman's terms, is an all-you-can eat restaurant that serves great salads (including buffalo chicken salads!!!), pastas and baked goods. Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed my first time.

I considered this restaurant to be a great, healthy idea of a restaurant. However, when I got up to get some more food, I began to look around at the other guests. To my dismay, there were many horizontally blessed individuals (politically correct term) accompanying us that evening. They were filling their plates beyond capacity and bumping people out of the way when the serving dishes were down to one item. We were surrounded. Behind us, some horizontally blessed (hb) guests were discussing the food they were eating as well as the fattening food they had recently eaten at another restaurant. Here I thought it was a healthy restaurant, but I was proven wrong by the amount that was being piled away. Don't get me wrong, I did my fair share of eating, but what they were packing away would have even impressed Shamu. After our desert, we bid our hb friends a fond farewell or so we thought.

For the second part of the date, Sarah and I ventured to the mini-golf course around the corner from the restaurant. Sarah loves her mini-golf, especially when she beats me. For the first 9 holes, Sarah was, to put it technically, kicking my trash. She was very excited when she scored a hole-in-one. I wasn't mad, no, actually I was impressed. Then the game changed. The holes became more difficult and Sarah was toilet-bowling (for correct definition see Webster's dictionary) almost every shot that was near the hole. She was becoming furious, as Mr. Furious would say. She even threatened hitting me in the rearend if you can believe that. Yet the culminating point of the game came on hole #17. Sarah's first shot was pretty good and close to the hole, but her second shot pulled left and she screamed out a mormon-style profanity where you leave out the big words and a kid that was walking by said, "Whoa, 10 year old present, lady!" (I do have to add that she didn't say anything bad, she left that to the imagination and she was kidding around, she didn't 'pop-a-vein' which may have been a good blogger name for one member of this family that we will just call Mr. B or Poppa V).

After our intense mini-golf game, which I might add I won, Sarah had to visit the little-golfer's room to sink another hole-in-one. While she was in there, I was entertained by three hb girls waiting for their friend who they said was making a "boo-boo" in there. Then they discussed the different words you could use for poo. I could have joined them to mention a few they left out, but I chose to refrain myself. Nevertheless, I was brought in to the conversation when one of the girls said, "Mister, I'm sorry you have to listen to this immature stuff." Then one of the hb girls came and sat next to me and said, "how you doing? Sorry about my friends." It was at this point that I was about to crack up laughing and praying that Sarah would come out soon. Luckily, Sarah came out and I got up. My new friend exclaimed, "Ahhh, now I'm all alone again." What a great way to finish a remarkable date! To any out there that found hb to be offensive, I do apologize for having taken the last piece of pepperoni pizza last night.

Love,

tp

Trever Reveals His True Self

Through the miracle of modern technology, I have been able to recover Trever's actual high school yearbook picture.

I understand he looks just like his father - whoever he may be.

I'm sure your father would be proud of you Trever.

Ha! Ha!

PORTER TOWN CRIER

PORTER TOWN CRIER

A Day of Adventure
Bryson, Sissy, Jentrie and Grandma set out to go to Smith's. Travelling in the wagon, kids in big hats, Sissy in sunglasses, we took the route around the Glassman Pond. As we were moving along the dirt walkway, we discovered that one of the very large trees had blown over in last week's storm. It was too big and ackward to climb over. Where some of the branches were, we could barely crawl under. Bryson and Sissy were glad to crawl under. Then came Grandma's turn--sure glad there were no cameras around to see that one. Then Grandma had to pull Jentrie through in the wagon. Getting her to lay down and move quickly was tricky. Then we continued our hike to the store. Kids were sure glad to get the free "Kid's Cookies" at the store. When we headed back, we went the opposite way around the pond. This required our climbing a large, steep grassy hill or climbing a rock hill. Sissy boldly made it up the rock hill after watching Bryson. Grandma, Jentrie and the wagon headed up the grassy hill. Guess who was the tiredest (a word?) when we got back?? However, it was a fun, worthwhile adventure and we did get veggies for Jentrie to enjoy.

EFY Counselor is in the house

Hey Guys -

We are having an EFY counselor stay with us this week. That's right. We've opened our home to those unselfish volunteers who wish to see that the youth of the Church have the true EFY experience. She's a nice young returned missionary who grew up in Alaska. She served her mission in Romania. She works in Logan. But she doesn't work with Sarah Shalese. And, she is apparently the only person in Logan that doesn't realize that she is in Trent's House.

She kind of looked a little familiar to me. So, I thought maybe you might all enjoy the photo I took of her this morning.

Have a Star Wars kind of day now.

Love,
Poparatsi

P. S. Carah did a good job on her talk yesterday. Maybe she will share it with the rest of you one day.

Happy 4th o' July

Well, hello there family. After those two lovely poems, I have written one for our 4th O' July Fun!

We woke up in the morning and had ourselves some fun
Then headed straight on down to see our friends in Old Tucson
We ate a lot of food at our friends house, our favorite family Beeston
I had a hamburger with onions and cheese all wrapped up in a bun
Then we went out for a good swim under the bright big yellow sun
When it got a little darker and after we had ate a ton
Sarah got a sparkler, the picture shows she was as excited as a nun
I told Tanner to jump through fireworks, he did it on the run
Then we went to our old ward's party and saw some of my deacons
Finally came the firework show and after about 20 minutes it was done
Ali and Larisa watched them with us along side a man named Juan
As we drove back to Phoenix, my arm Sarah did sleep upon
Happy 4th of July, Tiny Tim once said, "God bless us everyone"

Love,

tp

PORTER TOWN CRIER

PORTER TOWN CRIER
I received a few calls
Saying "please keep it going"
I'll just be patient
Interest is growing!

PORTER TOWN CRIER: July 2006

PORTER TOWN CRIER: July 2006

Due to lack of interest
This web site has died
Chalk it up for history
I can always say "I tried."

Update

Hey, thanks for your luck and prayers! They got me the job!!! I'm really really excited that I finally get to do "what I wanna do when I grow up" and that I get to have a REAL job! No more bouncing around from place to place, wondering what my schedule will be or how many lessons I'll teach. It's so great working there!
To tell you about my interview, I did keep what I learned in Pilates to myself, and he ran me on the treadmill for 5 miles while he asked me questions like, "Why should I hire you, Coach?" and "How will you increase membership, Coach?" It was all very unexpected, with him sweating like an animal and running 9.5 miles an hour. Wooooeeee! But it's all done and I'm very happy they offered me the job! Hooray, as Danielle would say! :)

Details for YOU

Yes, so it turns out that the head honcho guy wants to have the interview this EVENING at 5:00 pm. So that's when you all need to have a little prayer in your heart (6:00 pm your time). The interview is for Verizon, to be the Health and Wellness Coordinator. That's where I've been temping for the last 2 months, and I'm VERY happy working there, out of the sun and all! It would be perfect for when we move over there. Right now it's a 45-min. commute. Not so shabby but I tend to get a little sleepy on the road when it's hot outside, so it's not a good idea to keep doing that. I've already had ONE interview with a dude, and now it's another dude, who is supposedly WAY intense. I'll fill you in later.

Weekend of Fun

I will just say, it is very hot down here. We went apartment perusing yesterday over in Tempe/Chandler, and our bodies went through quite the roller coaster of sizzling hot air to the air-conditioned, freezing indoors of all the apt. offices. We found some nice options, although everything started looking pretty much the same.
Then today we got to give talks on Joseph Smith! We've been preparing for a few weeks, listening to the Truman G. Madsen talks on tape and such. It was quite the task to decide what to focus on, but T talked about how Joseph was a true "Smith" with a specific purpose in accomplishing the work of the restoration. It was wonderful! I combined some different stories and characteristics of Joseph to make my own "profile of the prophet" (like Hugh Nibley's speech that was in the June Ensign).
So it's been a successful weekend, nice and busy, and now I've got that final interview on Tuesday! Wish me luck!

Don't Eat Mexican Food Before Pilates

This past Monday for Family Home Evening, Sarah and I went to do a Pilates class at Arrowhead where she teaches tennis. It was at this class that I discovered a couple of things; I am quite flexible, my wife is very strong, and people should not eat Mexican Food before going to class. It started as a noise from the back that sounded like a foot slipping on a mat, so I thought nothing of it. However, the next sound that came from the back sounded a little more, ummm how should I put it...juicy. As the class continued, these odd sounds passed around the class like a game of hot potato. Needless to say, Sarah and I had a difficult time curbing our laughter and we wondered how the teacher could have such self control to not laugh. We then heard one really close and Sarah busted up laughing trying to make it look like she was laughing at my inability to hold the inverted swan pose, which made me laugh and lose my immaculate pose. I know it is hard to believe, but Sarah and I did not actually participate in this game of "pass the gas". When we told our friend Sheldon what had happened, he summarized it best saying, "Was it a Pilates class or a 'Pifarties' class?"

Bryson Comes to Grandma's and Grandpa's

Friday, June 23 was Bryson's night to come stay with Grandma and Grandpa. Bryson and Grandma took her car to the car wash. Bryson loved the power of the water gun. He got Grandma a good one with an accidental spray in the face. It was really fun to watch him imitate how much power the water spray had as he retold the incident to Grandpa. We read lots of stories, played "I spy", and watched the DVD's of Bryson's choosing. He wanted cheese pizza for dinner and ate 1/2 of it to prove how much he enjoyed it. When Grandpa was watching TV as Bryson and Grandma were getting a snack, Bryson said we should bring Blue's Clues upstairs for Grandpa because Bryson knew that Grandpa would like it a lot better than the show he was watching. Later he had Grandpa come downstairs and watch Blues Clues just to prove how much better it was. Saturday we played on the computer, played toys, went grocery shopping and watched Mickey Mouse and Franklin. We really had a fun time.

The Anniversary

I wrote this little poem in order to congratulate
That thirty years ago you did consummate
A marriage of love on this very special date
You dated so many years, I believe the number was was eight
Soon thereafter you thought you should start to mate
And Trever came along not a moment too late
You were worried at first 'cause he looked like a primate
Remember the cubes of butter he used to masticate?
Your true joy was filled with Trent because your lives he did illuminate
He was so handsome that ladies would often congregate
He was just born with good looks, who could blame him for his fate?
Brandon came next and was fragile and delicate (say it to rhyme)
He locked himself in trunks and liked to conjugate
Sarah came right along, I can't remember her exact weight
But she kept you really happy while the boys made you both irate
At Classic skating rink we all use to like to skate
Your family grew by three more girls not one of them named Kate
Add in three more grandkids and mark one more upon your slate
You really have a lot and Tony the Tiger thinks "You're Great"

Let's all take a minute, to pause and contemplate
How much we have because these two agreed to participate
In a marriage of love and happiness, do I need to elaborate?
No, I think not, I'll leave it to you to investigate
I need to go and answer my phone, I believe it is on vibrate
So, today you both need to share the one very "Special" plate
If we were there we all would love with you both to celebrate!

Congratulations, Mom and Dad!!!
Thanks for getting married 30 years ago!
Love,

Trent (Look at what you've done!)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!

Mom and dad celebrate 30 years of wedded bliss today.

We'd like to thank all of those of you who have been responsible for contributing to our life together.

Love,
Poparatsi

Sedona Playground Rodeo

I just wanted to make one thing clear, Sarah won a trophy for her tennis playing and I won a trophy for my skills in the 'Playground Rodeo'. It was tough competition, especially from one 6 year old, but as the pictures show, there was no way somebody else was going to beat me. I rode that puppy into the ground.

Sedona Trip!

Hello Porter clan!
We had a delightful time in the beautiful surroundings of the red rock in Sedona for the weekend family tennis tournament. And we had QUITE a lot of family there! My mom, dad, "Ama", "Pa", aunties Jacque, Marcy, and Cindy, and cousin Alex came to cheer us on! My Aunt Cindy's ex-husband and his wife and two boys also came up to watch one day! So we had quite the cheering section. The first couple we played had a huge family there too, so we had quite the audience, and the Lowes had made posters that spelled out P-O-R-T-E-R-S; they did a nice little wave. Trent and I have been working hard on our doubles, and it was absolutely priceless to watch him make a good shot and smile that big ear-to-ear grin of his. It was so fun that we could do that together and win! My dad and I also won our draw after some intense play--it was awesome to feel that competitive spirit!! We definitely want to go back for next year's tournament.

Sleeping Beauty

Grandma and Grandpa loved our sleepover guest on Friday, June 9. Princess Sissy came to stay and she is a sleeping beauty by night; a princess by day! We had a wonderful time. Grandma's favorite happened at Smith's. The checker asked Sissy how old she was? Sissy's reply as she raised up two fingers "I four." Her humor was delightful. She woke up smiling brightly. She and Grandma spent the night in the basement. We learned to sew up some lacing cards. We learned to play Ship Shape. We read at least 5 Clifford stories. We played band; we played farm; we laughed and giggled lots and lots.

Trent isn't the only fairy in the family

You can tell by the flower this little girl is wearing that she must be the spring fairy!

Thanks

This is a beautiful picture of all the "letters" that you sent me for my graduation and me in a funny looking hat, pointing over my shoulder at the "letters" with my thumb like a hobo trying to get a ride or a guy with really big nostrils going to pick a big one. Thank you for all the support and presents you gave me for graduation, what a wonderful family I have. Keep on keepin' on!

Love,

Trenton S. Porter, MBA

The Day Chivalry Died

It was a warm summer's day in Mesa, Arizona, wait, no summer day in Mesa is just warm...It was an extremely hot day in Mesa, Arizona. Trent Porter and his lovely wife, wait, Sarah is more than just lovely...Trent Porter and his extremely hot wife decided to go to the temple. When they left the temple, their spirits were lifted and their hearts were light. Little did they know that evil was lurking near their car.

Sarah made a cheery comment to Trent, and he threw his head back in laughter. They approached the beautiful, white Mazda Protege and Trent, being the chivalrous, good looking man that he is, decided to open the door for his extremely hot wife. As he opened the door the culprit attacked and held nothing back. Trent fell back as something hit his shoulder, he had been hit, it was a bad hit. It attacked him again on his back. Trent whirled around in haste ready to unleash the fury of "Thunder" and "Lightning", his enormous biceps, you know, they never have to strike twice. Yet to his dismay, the culprit had eluded him.

Trent looked at his shoulder, while Sarah admired his amazing backside, to assess the damage that had been done. It was worse than they had feared, it appeared that the bird had diarrhea and not a healthy looking diarrhea. Sarah's laughter filled the air similar to that of a hyena giving birth to a litter of young pups, yes a litter. Had Trent never been the amazingly good looking gentleman that he is, the bird would have attacked Sarah probably right on her head. This would have been, in the words of Bill and Ted, "Excellent and most triumphant", but alas, the bird dropping, nay, dumpings landed upon Trent.

This would be the last time that the last chivalrous extremely good looking young man would open the door out of courtesy for his extremely hot wife. And that, my friends, is The Day Chivalry Died!